So I finally caught up on my Jersey Shore over the weekend and, shocking, Ronnie and Sam are at it again. While watching them in Miami last season I would be constantly appalled by the fact that no matter how poorly Ron treated Sam, she always took him back. Now, this season, Sam finally tries to walk away so Ron shows her a little respect and love and she just goes back to him. Yet, she texts a guy so now she is the antagonist in their whirlwind of a relationship…it really never ends with them. I’m not sure what to make of the alleged text to that guy friend of hers and if she was looking too hook up with him or he was just starting trouble; but, regardless, things got heated. The episode left off with Ron pinning Sam into a corner yelling in her face while she screamed for him to move out of the way and he refused.
The house mates, as well as anyone watching the show, can tell that the relationship is volatile and unhealthy. Having gone to school for psychology and taken courses specifically on domestic violence, I am aware that statistics show the majority of abuse in relationships is mutual with both parties physically abusing the other. The issue, however, is that Sam is a small girl and Ron is a jacked, aggressive male so he will always be stronger and has the capacity to damage her more than she could him. No matter who is physically abusive in a relationship, it is obviously wrong and dangerous and it is clear that Ron and Sam both are emotional people who take their frustrations out physically–so they are a bad combination. This makes for great entertainment but a tragic life.
Whenever I see unhappy couples like that I don’t understand how it is that they don’t just break up and be happy apart as opposed to miserable together. They claim to love each other but they seem to only express it in heated arguments and physical altercations. It seems so illogical for them to be together when they are clearly a toxic couple. I can’t speak for them as individuals (though there does not appear to be much depth in either of them) yet I can attest that what I’ve seen on the show makes me confident that they are not capable of ever being a healthy, happy couple and things will only get worse because together they are always just a volcano waiting to erupt.
While it is unfathomable to me how the two of them can stay together, I can’t help but acknowledge the parallels in my own life and the lives of my friends. I feel as though we all have either dated someone who seemed to hurt us far more then they enhanced our lives or at least had a friend or family member in a bad situation, dating a douche but unable to walk away. I realize that I must have appeared nearly as crazy and dumb to my friends as Sam did hers when I was involved with guys who would bring me to tears instead of on dates and repeatedly broke my heart. Granted, I never had physical altercations with any of them or screamed like she did but I’ve had my share of public cries followed by sex after no apology so I suppose it’s just as bad. I’ve had guys say some of the worst things to me, knowing my self-esteem issues and I’d forgive them because I loved them and would make excuses and justifications so that I could continue to be with them just so I wouldn’t be alone.
I’ve been just as degraded as Sam has and gone back too…and I never even got the “I love you.” Of course, I’ve grown from those experiences and will never let a guy walk all over me again, but it is so hard when you are in it because once you’ve fallen for someone you can feel powerless. We all at some point or another go back when we know we shouldn’t because we believe he will change, he is sorry, he really is a good guy, or we convince ourselves that it was our fault. So, we essentially bury our self esteem in the ground or lock it away like Mol did her top in Inception, to keep living a lie of a life that really only causes us pain. It makes no sense really and yet it is a common fallacy.
Love is annoyingly powerful, as is the fear of being alone. These feelings can drive one to do crazy things or be with awful people. When a relationship isn’t working and you can’t bring yourself to end it, the best thing to do is get space–and not a few days like Sam did, but a few months. Time apart will help you to see if what you are feeling is transient or real, lust or love. One of my best friends dated a guy whom she really liked then, one day, he fell off the face of the Earth. A few months later he resurfaced and was all about her while she was skeptical and rightfully had her guard up. Over three months later and they are one of the happiest couples I know. For them, getting space and a break allowed them to see that what they felt was real and was not lust or heat of the moment passion. They were not getting caught up in attraction and loving the rest because it came with the body, they truly did feel for one another. He took the time away to convince himself that what he was feeling was not true and that he was not in love but all that space did was validate his emotions and prove to him that he loved her and could not stay away. Obviously everyone is different and in many instances I’m sure space would show that he/she is utterly wrong and you will feel relief that you dodged a douche.
I personally have been caught up in the lust of things and lost sight of what was real but given time realized how wrong the guy was for me and thank fate for not having me end up with someone so wrong for me. It’s a great feeling when a few years after a breakup you catch up with your ex and learn that he’s still a degenerate loser and/or married a stripper while you have a great job, bought a house, and are doing well for yourself. It’s also frightening to think how you and your life would be different had you not walked or been pushed away. While I hate to believe in magical thinking, I can’t help but hold on to the ideal that things happen for a reason and that some of our worst, most trying times shape us and our lives for the better and bring about a richer life in the future.
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