Follow-Up: The Facebook Break-Up

Seeing as this is a blog on Sexiquette, I have wanted to do an all-encompassing break-up post discussing the number of methods used by others to end things with me or by me to end a relationship with someone else.  However, after posting the recent article on Facebook and social networking, I have an addendum posting to add that addresses a new low in the dating world–being dumped on FB.

While it is hard for me to fathom someone using FB chat to end a relationship and it seems more like something out of commercial plot line than real life, I have experienced this appalling violation of sexiquette first hand.  Well, let me start from the beginning.  A friend of mine who I had grown close to over a period of months and been hanging out with weekly eventually became intoxicated and professed his love to me.  He said a number of very sweet things and it came out that he’d had a crush on me for months but was too nervous to ask me out because he was intimated by me.  Given my self esteem issues at the time this was very flattering, especially considering that I found him cute.  He wasn’t my type and there were a number of large reasons not to date him pertaining to his family and our friend group; however, I decided to give it a shot.  While the first few dates went really well and he was super affectionate, holding my hand and kissing me a lot, apparently words wound up speaking louder than actions for once.  We had not yet had sex but heavy fooling around and other activities had occurred.  We also had a number of honest conversations about ourselves and our families that were rather personal given that we had been friends for months before taking things to another level.

After our last date I could tell things had changed suddenly.  He went from texting me daily to disappearing and when I reached out to him to see if he wanted to hang out, he told me that he needed to go to the gym at night and didn’t have much time.  Rather than beat myself up about it I did what I do best, find a physical distraction.  I slept with my on and off friend-with-benefits and set a date with a new guy who had been asking me out.  This may have been rash but my suspicions were right.  All of this happened over a weekend so when the following week started I was chatting with this boy on FB chat and finally just called him out on the situation.  I outright told him that I’d had a lot of fun so far and would like to go out again if he’s interested.  He proceeded to tell me that he had a lot of fun too but seeing as he didn’t have a car, worked nights, lived at home with his Mom, and wanted to work out on his evenings off he just didn’t have time for a relationship.  While all of the aforementioned reasons would serve as valid excuses on my end as reasons to dump him and should have been major red flags before even agreeing to go out with him, I still managed to get sucked into his flattery and date him.  Since he had asked me out and was the one with the crush on me I was shocked and called him out on such facts.  He replied “I know, I feel like such a turd burger.”  Ok, one, what the hell is a turd burger?  Two, who the hell says turd burger?   Three, damn I dodged a douche.  Unbelievable!  Who the hell uses such lame excuses or ends things on FB after things had gotten physical and we had been good friends for month especially when he was the one who took things to the next level in the first place?!  Honestly I can do much better and I know it but I’m still pissed when I think about it.  Here I was dating a guy who was not my type because he seemed like a nice guy (who cares if he didn’t meet my physical criteria, lived at home, worked nights, and didn’t have a car so I always had to pick him up) and he still turned out to be a total shit.  This made me lose my faith in nice guys a bit and pissed me off more than it hurt me.  I did my best to shrug it off and say “his loss” and was onto the next.

So I began hanging out with a new guy and about a week after the FB dumping I was creeping on this boys page, just to see what he was up to, and saw that some girl was writing hearts on his page.  Red flag!  This was suspicious activity given that I’d never seen this girl on his page before and he supposedly wasn’t looking to date.  I know I probably sound like a stalker but I really was not excessively creeping and I had a right to see what he was up to.  If he didn’t want me to see his postings he could have blocked me or changed his privacy settings.  So, I thought it was a little weird but did nothing about it.  Less than a week after that, he updated his relationship status to “in a relationship” with Miss Hearts and the two were writing “I love you” on each other’s walls daily.  WTF?  I was again appalled.  “Turd burger” does not even begin to describe this dipshit.  Here I was giving this kid a chance and falling for his bullshit about having a crush on me for months when all the while he was playing me and hanging out with this less attractive bitch too.  The sad part is, if he had just been honest with me I would have been cool with it.  I am a very truthful person and highly value sincerity and rectitude in others.  I had been very candid with him about situations in my life and since we were good friends he owed me the same.  However, instead of just being honest and admitting he was a dick but keeping his friend, he chose to lose me as a friend and be an even bigger ass.

Well, there is one final piece to this story and it really serves as the icing on the cake.  Following his bullshit stories and newly found love I began this blog.  When I wrote one of my very first articles, Lying Sexiquette, I posted it up on FB on my page and a number of friends’ pages, including his.  Within 24 hours, I was unfriended.  So not only did he fuck with my emotions, manipulate me, lie to me repeatedly, and dick me over…he gave me a final slap in the face by being the one to defriend me.  Rather than waste tears on this scumbag I just laughed and said my mental good riddance.  Aside from the facts that I’m prettier than this other girl, I can do so much better, and he saved me from getting too involved with a guy who was totally wrong for me and who only was capable of providing me with an increased weekly gas bill, I was disappointed to lose a friend out of all of this.  I had liked hanging out with him and it heart to no longer be able to hang out with all of his friends who I had really grown to like.  But, since they were his friends first and we barely dated, he wins them in the custody battle without a doubt.  So, I got lied to, manipulated, used, and hurt while “turd burger” got some fun out of the deal and only lost one friend whom he apparently did not care much about anyway.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again, “the power in a relationship lies with the one who cares the least.”   I’m  not advising anyone to become devoid of emotionality or be apathetic to love and relationships, but I am saying “proceed with caution” because the dating world is dangerous and depressing if you don’t take the right path.  Relationships are kind of like roses, beautiful to look at but you have to be careful when you get up close because you might get pricked by a thorn.  Anyway, being the poet that I am I could use analogies all day but I will spare my readers.  The point is, dating is difficult and you get hurt more times than you get lucky (in the relationships sense not the sexual one) and finding true love is extraordinarily difficult in the present day and age.  Yet, it is all worth it when you find someone to share a life with.  Break-ups happen and they hurt for both parties involved and there is an etiquette involved in dumping people, which I will write all about later.  However, under no circumstances is a break-up via Facebook chat acceptable, it’s just plain bad sexiquette.

2 thoughts on “Follow-Up: The Facebook Break-Up

  1. Interesting story! I haven’t been in this exact situation, but until about a week ago, I was dating a guy for 8 months who was afraid of getting into a relationship with me. He was telling me that he just wasn’t ready for a relationship, but wanted more than just a dating/sex situation. VERY confusing…mostly because he was lying. Anyway, one of the things that pissed me off the most about him was the fact that he constantly friended females who were his type (pretty LOCAL African girls) on Facebook, although he told me he wasn’t talking to anyone else or looking for anyone else. The last straw was when he ‘friended’ some local chick who posed in lingerie in her profile pic. That female along with the other females he friended the entire time we were together was the last straw. I won’t be surprised to see if he suddenly has a ‘In a relationship’ status on his wall some time soon. Asshole.

    • I’m sorry girl! The only thing we can do is look at like we “dodged a douche.” There was a day recently were I was crying about a boy who’d hurt me and when I told the story of what happened and what he’d done, my friend who did not know the other person simply replied “sounds like you dodged a douche” and that stuck with me. All this dicks and turd burgers don’t deserve us. If they can’t appreciate us when they do have us then they aren’t worthy of all that we have to offer. Maybe that is cocky or pretentious but I honestly don’t care anymore because I would rather be confident and anxiety free than waste anymore time stressing about the assholes who hurt us. It isn’t our fault as long as we are being true to ourselves and being honest. We should just revel in the fact that we didn’t waste any more of time on someone who wouldn’t have worked out anyway.

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