The opposite of love
Held on high
From up up up above
Kept my high
From the second one
Kept my eye
On the first one
Now take these rings
And stow them safe away
I’ll wear them on
Another rainy day
Take these rings
And stow them safe away
I’ll wear them on
Another rainy day”
-Yeah Yeah Yeahs
As I grow older, gain more experience in the dating world, continue working on this blog, and increase my number of friends, the more I learn about the dark side of dating. We like to believe that the hardest part is finding the right person, that once we find that special someone we are set for life. However, oftentimes that isn’t the case. When I began the blog I started to become more in tune with all things dating, including my friends’ perceptions of it and experiences with it. I also am frequently coming up with ideas as the world is so inspirational to me. One topic that keeps recurring in my life is cheating and all variations on it.
I’ve worked in bars for years and seeing business men from out of town taking girls home from the bar while they were wed to someone else was an early glimpse of just how dubious people’s ethics can be and how dishonest and shameless people can be in relationships. While in Albuquerque on a work trip my friend and I met a group of cute guys who we were hanging out with and who wanted to take us back to their hotel; however, only one of them was not married. So we turned down these married navy men because neither one of us could stomach being the other woman in an extramarital affair.
Some men hide their rings, knowing how wrong what they are doing is. Others wear them and expect us to be ok with the fact that they have a wife (and maybe kids) at home who think her husband if off working hard for the family when really he’s getting hard betraying his family. I am so curious as to who these women are that see a wedding ring on a man’s finger but ignore it and bang him anyway. They know it can’t go anywhere, especially if he is from out of town, and no matter who you are you can envision how much it would hurt to learn you’ve been cheated on. How any girl can violate girl code and do that to another woman, whether they know her or not, is beyond me. It’s just so wrong and there is no way to justify it.
The above tales are examples downright cheating; however, I have also seen and experienced a lot of instances where something may not technically be cheating but still isn’t right. A friend of mine recently learned that while she was out of town, her live-in boyfriend had a female coworker whom she had never met over for wine alone. This woman drank wine in her place with her boyfriend and used her computer to go on Facebook. My friend uncovered the secret and her man at first lied about it. While he claims that nothing happened and they are just friends, what he did was wrong. There are lines you don’t cross and gray areas you don’t enter if you want to stay in your relationship and be a good person and putting yourself into situations of potential cheating is one of those lines.
Interestingly, I am currently friends with a guy who is in a relationship and lives with his girlfriend. The other night we met up for a drink on a Saturday at about midnight. He had just finished work and I was heading home from a friend’s house and we had been texting throughout the evening. I outright stated to him that this hang out session was strictly platonic. There was potential for some cross promotional work with his company and my blog plus we just got along well and I want to be friends with him. However, what was supposed to be a friendly get together definitely felt more like a date. His body language and things he said made me certain that he was interested in more than just friendship. So, here I was in a bar, having a drink with a man who wants to sleep with me who also has an unsuspecting live-in girlfriend. I questioned why I was there because I knew that this was wrong. Of course I didn’t allow for anything to happen and kept the meeting physically platonic with nothing transpiring beyond a good-bye hug but I still feel as though I had betrayed girl code and done something that was immoral. My intentions were nothing beyond friendship but he had impure motives that I was aware of which makes this one of those gray areas that can be seen as cheating and end a relationship.
Bear in mind that these lines are not only crossed by men and that women are equally as guilty. A few years ago I had a girl friend who was in a serious, committed relationship and was living with a man she loved and whom she intended to one day marry. However, she would infrequently text an old flame or sometimes even sext him and would occasionally meet up with this boy in person but do nothing other than chat at a public place. There were times I was with her at a bar when he would meet up and hang out for a little then leave with nothing more than conversation and a little flirting having taken place. He was aware that she had a boyfriend but definitely was interested in her beyond friendship and she still was attracted to him, placing her in one of those gray areas that just isn’t worth the risk.
At what point is one crossing the line in these above examples? Is it only when any form of physicality takes place between the two? Must it be kissing or sex? Is just the fact that one was alone with someone whom they are attracted to who is single a violation in the relationship?
Over the past few years I’ve sadly learned how ubiquitous cheating is. Be it a gray area or outright cheating with a someone becoming sexually involved with someone other than his/her, I see it all around me. My friends have been cheated on, some of my friends are players, and most of my friends have crossed a line without actually getting physical with someone. Essentially it all boils down to what the terms and “rules” of your relationship are and of course trust is key. However, if you are in a relationship and spending time away from your partner with someone whom you are attracted to and would like to be something more with, what you are doing is wrong if you feel the need to keep it from your significant other because he or she would be angry and your actions could possibly lead to a breakup. It is best to stay out of these gray areas and on the right side of the line if you want to hold onto your man or lady. And ultimately, if you aren’t happy with whom you are with end it, don’t cheat. I never have understood cheating because if you don’t love the person you are with, don’t see a future, or have feelings/attraction for other people then you should get out before you risk hurting your significant other (and even yourself) even further.