Playing the Field: The Multi-Dater

“You should know that you’re just a temporary fix
This is not rooted with you it don’t mean that much to me
You’re just a filler in the space that happened to be free
How dare you think you’d get away with trying to play me”

-Adele

So now that I have this blog I face two reactions from friends.  On the one hand, I have people who are interested in being blogged about who come to me with sexy, fascinating stories or great ideas.  On the other hand, there are the individuals who are afraid that I will blog about them so they are less communicative with me about their sex and dating lives.  With regards to the former, one friend recently shared a story that was of interest to me as it touched upon a pivotal dating topic–the multi-dater.

There are two types of daters, those who date or hook-up with one person at a time and then there are the players who sleep with whomever they want and who don’t tend to maintain relationships.  While I am the former my friend has turned into the latter.  He chatted me on Facebook last week to tell me all about his forays in the dating world as of late.  He apparently was dating two girls at the same time and had each of them convinced that he was exclusively with her.  He played the game for quite some time and even deleted his Facebook to protect himself from getting caught and managed to succeed at the ruse.  This acquaintance of mine only stopped because he got tired and fed up with having to keep track of the two girls, date both of them weekly, and talk to each almost everyday.

Honestly, regular cheating seems like too much work to  me.  I don’t get why guys don’t either openly date girls with an understanding of no strings attached or date one girl in particular and stay committed.  Cheating requires lies which then necessitate memory, strategy, and creativity.  Lies become hard to keep track of and they eventually are how one gets caught.  I don’t really understand why a guy would date two girls other than to say that he successfully dated two girls and so that he can feel like he has accomplished some feat.  Why don’t they just take up a productive hobby like building  houses for the homeless to feel a sense of achievement,?  Why hurt innocent girls to build up their own egos?  Not to mention the risk of STDs cheating poses.

However, this aforementioned version of betrayal was unique because he wasn’t sleeping with assorted, random girls or playing just one girl.  He was exclusively dating two girls but they just did not know about each other.  I again have to ask why?  He had a bunch of excuses that seemed to serve as valid rationale to him but I wasn’t buying it.  Essentially he was dating one but she wasn’t putting out so he added another.  He eventually decided that he wanted to date only the girl who did not make him wait for the sex and dump the other girl but then there was a death in that girl’s family so he couldn’t do it.  After a while he just decided to keep it up because I suppose he felt cool doing it.  I just find this whole scenario so wrong and unfair.  I would hate to be the girl thinking I have a boyfriend who cares about me only to find out there is another woman.  It is like those tragic stories where a wife finds out her husband has another wife and family.  These poor girls think they are working towards a potential life with someone when really they are just getting played.

The multi-dater is more common then I’d like to believe.  Working in the bar industry for over five years, you see a lot of casual hookups and meet a lot of players.  Bouncers are notorious for getting tons of numbers, going out with a number of girls, and eventually banging them with no intention of commitment.  There are the guys who openly admit that they aren’t looking for anything beyond the hookup, which is fine  because honesty is key.  Then there are the men who are actively hooking up with a number of women and making promises or alluding to them that things will go further when they truly have no intentions beyond hanging out and having sex.  This is the type of mult-dater that bothers me.  There isn’t anything wrong with being sexually open unless you are lying or manipulating those involved.  What they guy I know did was definitively wrong.  He led two separate girls to believe they were each his singular girlfriend.  Why any guy would do that is beyond me because relationships come with so much more work and strings than plain dating or hookups.  Two girlfriends require double the dates (double the spending), remembering two anniversaries, and lying to create alibis for girl A or B when you are with the other.

I suppose this challenge and the feat of successfully being able to play two girls and get away with it is alluring enough to some men to motivate them to engage in multi-dating.  It takes work, skill, and a good memory to pull it off but it is not something to be proud of.  Being a multi-dater has it’s perks and as long as you are open and honest with all hookups prior to any physicality there is no shame.  Yet, so many men think they won’t get laid if they aren’t open to the idea of relationships so they lie and “play” girls and this is where the immorality comes into play and the multi-dater becomes a straight up douchebag.

Has anyone out there been played and have any stories to share?  Any players want to put in their two cents?  Feel free to leave a comment because I’d love to hear from you.

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