The Overly Accommodating Dater

Have you ever been in a situation where  you have a best friend, you hang out with him/her all the time and the two of you have so much fun and life is great, then all of that goes by the wayside  because he/she starts dating someone?  It has happened to most of us I’m sure so it is a well known fact that when taken too seriously relationships can ruin friendships.  There are catch phrases like “bros before hos” or “chicks before dicks” but these give the impression that relationships are bad thing to be avoided which is not the case.  Rather, life is a balancing act and it is important to make time for all the people who matter in your life not just the one who you are sleeping with.

I was chatting with a close friend recently about an old friend of ours who no longer has time for her gal pals because she is either too busy with her boyfriend or wants to leave nights open “in case he wants to hang out.”  This is a huge problem and is sadly common among women.  We leave our Friday or Saturday nights open in hopes that our new boy will want to see us and take us out.  We turn down viable opportunities to see our friends in order to potentially see the guy we are banging and we become disappointed when our guy doesn’t give us a call.  Over time friends grow tired of asking and being shot down so they just stop calling.  Then, one day, the boy leaves us and we are left manless and friendless.  So, we must go back with our tail between our legs and try to get our besties back when we need them most.

I am in no way saying to not make time for your boyfriend but I am cautioning being too quick to ditch your friends for a new man.  When you are in a long term relationship there is certainly more understanding, especially when you are married.  But, even so, you must always make some time for your friends if you hope to maintain those relationships.  The girl I am speaking of is one of those women who makes herself too available and too accommodating.  She has so much potential and is a really cool person, yet she opts to degrade herself and cast good friends aside for the sake of a man which gives all of us women a bad name.  She even sunk so low as to give her man a blow job in a car in front of friend’s house just because he wanted it and she didn’t want to disappoint him or lose him.  (Disclaimer: Ladies, these should not be given out so easily, they should be a reward or go to a guy deserving not just given out in vehicles when asked.  It won’t make him like you more or stay and it will most likely make him think less of you.)

Ladies, and guys for that matter, never degrade yourself or do something out of character just for someone you are dating.  It is one thing to try hiking, running, or some hobby to become closer to your man but it’s another to suck his dick in a Toyota before a party when you are practically 30 out of some desperation to keep a man.  Being too acquiescent and accommodating is not a good thing.  Men don’t want the easy girl and they certainly do not want anything long term with someone they perceive as a whore.  The “too accommodating dater” becomes annoying over time and we all want a challenge over a lap dog.

I once dated a guy who was overly acquiescent.  Whenever we would go out everything revolved around what I wanted.  There was no take charge attitude and he didn’t plan any of the dates.  Ladies like for men to plan the early dates and we appreciate the take charge machismo of it all.  We like being treated well but we don’t want a guy with no personality of his own who does nothing but cater to what we want.  I personally like healthy debating or taking turns  picking date places so you can get to know the other person better.  If I wanted to date myself I wouldn’t be on the market.  This guy even cooked me dinner on his birthday and made food that I like but instead of being appreciative I was annoyed.  We ate and watched CSI because I like that show and I felt like it was a lame date and a sad way for him to celebrate his birthday.  He should have been out with friends and seen me on a different day and if we were going out it should have been me taking him somewhere nice not him cooking for me.

I am not certain on how guys feel about the reverse situation and it is probably somewhat less annoying because of gender archetypes but I’m sure it is still frustrating to date the overly accommodating girl.  Men like a challenge.  They do not want a girl who lays all of her cards on the table, has no depth, and who will just cater to their every need–at least not as a serious girlfriend.  Relationships are mutual partnerships, a balanced scale and one side should not teeter too much lower than the other or else it is not healthy.  There is also the concept of not putting all your eggs in one basket, which I will address soon in a separate article, that cautions against putting everything you have into one person.  If you revolve your life around your significant other and then one day you break up, you did not just lose a boyfriend or girl, you have lost a huge portion of your life and have no one to turn to for comfort.

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