Those of you who have been in the dating world a little while are aware of the “rule” about cheating and zip codes. Urban Dictionary states that “if you have a girl in one zip code it is not cheating when you enter a new zip code.” While zip code is a bit of a stretch and 2 miles or 100 miles away you are still cheating, is it cheating when you are separated and living in different countries?
I pose this question because I currently have an on/off involvement with a guy who has a “girlfriend” who lives in France. They are Facebook official and he claims that “he loves her but he likes me.” That right there sounds like disaster, heartbreak, and that I should head for the hills yet I keep up the charade. Why? A sane person would ask. Well, he’s fun and we have a good time. Supposedly due to them living in different countries it is open for them to date other people so it is not technically cheating and he seems to be open to it being something more if things progress that way.
I have been through a lot dating wise this past year and casual seemed right up my alley so the scenario at first seemed like a win-win. However, as of late, I am starting to actually want something more out of this hook up scenario and am stuck at a crossroads. He still talks to his girlfriend, tells her he loves her, and has plans to see her as far out as August. Yet, we talk almost daily as well and I get the vibe that this is not a one way potential relationship. But ultimately, where can it possibly go if he is already romantically entangled. I ponder daily whether or not I should just end this and save myself inevitable upset or if should stick it out and perhaps win him over. However, that latter choice sounds absurd when said out loud. Why should I win over some guy? Why be with a guy who is willing to pseudo-cheat? Why invest emotionality and energy into a guy who is in love with someone else? Am I just setting my self up to be used and hurt?
Perhaps there is something wrong with me and I have a penchant for setting myself up for disaster. Maybe all my relationships and attempts fail because I subconsciously select men who are all wrong for me. Or, maybe it isn’t some Freudian psychology complexity but rather that I just have bad taste. Yet, girlfriend aside, he is a good guy. My dog approves and did not bark once. He even let him pick him up! The sex is also good but there definitely is more than physicality and pet bonding. I can talk to him about serious stuff…things that it is normally very difficult for me to talk about. I’ve opened up about personal issues and he listened and supported me–qualities I have looked for my entire life in a guy. He even was so sweet as to make me french toast one morning just because I mentioned that I was craving it. He is thoughtful, fun, conversational, and great it bed so he’d be a catch…if he didn’t have a girlfriend he supposedly loved.
I’m at a crossroads because I just don’t know if I should let this go entirely and cut off communication, transition us into “just friends,” keep things as a “friends with benefits” scenario, or invest myself in a potential relationship that is likely to not work out. I don’t mean to sound pessimistic and that is not my normal style, but I’m a realist and my heart has been wounded too many times this past year to be capable of handling one more stabbing. Yet, I also am a romantic so I am torn. I suppose I will yet again opt to “proceed with caution” and keep things as casual as possible. If they progress, they progress. If they fizzle and fail, I will say “oh well” and move on…or at least that is all the plan. Has anyone been in a similar situation and have words of wisdom or a story to share? Please feel free to comment because I’d love to hear whatever you have to say.