Well everyone, I’m back…finally. After an unexpectedly long hiatus due to work responsibilities, I have returned to my daily ramblings about dating, relationships, and love gone awry. In the month or so I’ve been gone so much has changed in my life and my perception on dating has even further evolved. I am less cynical and bitter but certainly not any less witty and I have positive experiences to thank for my attitude change. I’m sure my jaded acrimonious perspective will be back in no time and rest assured I still have plenty of dating horror stories and controversial opinions to share; however today in this article that will not be the case.
Ladies I have some great news, chivalry is in fact NOT dead after all. After years of dating guys who were totally wrong for me and/or who left me with a broken heart and a knife in my back, I found one who has class, manners, kindness, and who is honestly just amazing. He holds open doors, he carries my heavy belongings, holds my hand when I’m scared, buys me flowers, pays for dinner, and talks to me nearly everyday. I had grown so accustomed to wanting a mere fraction of these qualities and was always remaining in a longing state. With him, the friendship we have is like the main course while the great sex is dessert. With other guys I’d dated sex was the only meal and friendship was the dessert I craved. I’ve dated a lot of guys in my 26 years and none have compared. I’m used to the guy who calls you at four in the morning or shows up unexpectedly at your front door shitfaced and comes in your apartment falling down drunk and breaking things. I’ve grown to expect being used for sex or having texts completely ignored for days. The men I tend to date were never good enough for me and that was largely because I didn’t set my standards high enough and I did not consider myself to be worthy of a great guy.
Self esteem and confidence really do play a critical role in attracting the right man. These attributes will also draw in the users and abusers so it’s critical that we don’t give in to our sexual desires too quickly or set our standards low. If you know what you want and believe you are a good person, don’t settle for any less in a man than you truly deserve. It’s one thing to have casual hookups and friends with benefits but when looking for someone you want to spend your life with or at least have a serious relationship with, it is both nonsensical and a waste of time to be with someone who doesn’t meet your criteria and doesn’t make you happy.
Being confident in who you are, being comfortable in singledom, and not being out looking for a guy is really the best way to find one. When I was less evolved I spent much of my time searching for the right guy and then after a while just a guy so I wouldn’t have to be alone. Then, after some life changing events I learned that the most important thing in life is being happy and in order to do that, you need to be happy with yourself. You are the only person whom you spend 24/7 with and you don’t like who you are inside, lack self esteem, or ever feel you don’t deserve someone and something great then you will never really enjoy the life you have. Rather than waste time longing for things and wishing for what you don’t have you need to learn to appreciate the things and people in your life already. I’m certainly not saying to settle but I am saying take a step back and really look at your life and everything in it. If you have great friends, show them some love by taking them out for dinner on you or maybe cook for them one night. If you have a great man in your life, tell him how amazing he is. Life is too short to spend settling, wishing, and longing so don’t let singledom or bad boyfriends keep you from appreciating your life and living it to the fullest.