When He Says I Love You But You Aren’t There Yet

Recently a friend of mine was in a sticky situation.  A guy she was casually seeing told her he loved her.  As most girls dream of this moment because they tend to fall first, she just wasn’t there yet and was unsure of what to do.  And what do you do??  Do you just say “Thank you?”  Do you smile and say nothing?  What is the proper sexiquette for hearing an “I love you” when you aren’t ready to return the sentiment.

This friend is dating more than one person at once, one main guy and one guy on the side.  She is in love with the main man but he has grown distant and she sensed something was wrong.  So, she started hooking up with an old fling to feel wanted and feel better.  My friend likes this guy too but just not at the same level.  He is younger than her and they are just at different places while the main man is seemingly a perfect fit.  However, you can’t make someone fall in love with you and we don’t get to choose who loves us.

Love is a funny thing because how would you really even define it?  Is it a noun or a verb?  A feeling or actions?  It is tricky to describe and in my opinion it is hard to know if that moment when you first fall in love is real.  Sure you may think about your guy all the time, dream of him saying he loves you, think about a wedding some day, and be having the time of your life with him but how do you know if this is lust of love.  I’ve written about the dueling concepts a number of times and I just still can’t seem to really pin point when your feelings are one orthe other because it is so difficult to discern between the two.

In the situation of my friend, what my friend feels for the one guy is a friendship with some lust while she is love with the other.  Now, she’s caught herself in a complicated triangle and isn’t sure how to get herself out.  She wants to be with the main guy she loves but if he doesn’t want her is she settling by going with the one who loves her?  It’s not that this guy who loves her is some sap or sad sack, he’s a great guy whom she can be herself with, who cheers her up when she’s down, and they have a ton of fun together.  The only problem is there are in different places in their lives and she’s grown to be extremely attracted to and have strong feelings for her main man.  But, as I said earlier, you can’t choose who loves you. and you can’t make someone have feelings for you that aren’t there.  If it’s there you just know and if it isn’t, it fizzles out, but what do you do when one person has the feelings and the other doesn’t?   How is it fair of fate to put my friend in this complicated situation?  What should she do?  I just don’t know how to advise her because this is a situation I feel may happen often but there really is no right answer for.  Does anyone have any words of wisdom I can share with her because I’d love to hear everyone’s opinion?  Should she keep seeing both guys?  Should she confront the main man for being distant and see where things stand or just let nature take its course?  How should she handle the guy telling her he loves her when she is not there yet?

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