Guys Do It So I’m Gonna Do It Better: The Hookup

We’ve all done it or been a victim of it, the casual hookup.  You meet a guy or girl at a bar, go back to their place or bring them back to yours, and you have sex.  Sometimes it’s amazing, usually it’s awkward or one person is too drunk but regardless you experience a hookup.  While girls have hopes for further time together or potentially extending the hookup into a casual or romantic relationship, guys tend to have the mantra of “one and done” leaving the girl with some unresponded texts and a wounded ego.  Yet, why can’t girls do the same thing to guys.

As part of getting over my ex I hooked up with a guy last weekend.  It was awkward of course but fun none the less.  When I felt a little guilty the next day because of this being uncharacteristic of me and because I was largely doing it to get over the guy I was dating, a friend said to me “who cares, guys do it so girls should just do it better.”  I laughed at first but later I realized that she might be on to something.  We girls feel so shamefaced when we sleep with a guy without making him wait when we really want the same thing guys do sometimes, to just get laid.  I’m sure I will get  a flurry of hate responses on this but it is true, sometimes girls have needs and they aren’t in a relationship so they hook up with a random guy (safely of course) to satisfy an urge.  The guy I hooked up with was a friend of a friend and I’d met him before so it wasn’t like I’d gone home with a complete stranger but this was still very unlike me as I am a relationship type of girl.  However, I didn’t regret it and whether we hang out again or not is of no consequence to me.  Sure he’s a nice guy and I had fun but I don’t feel the typical pressure to make something of it for the sake of not wasting an increase in my number.  Sometimes you just hook up with a guy and that’s all it’s meant to be.

Of course I couldn’t help but feel like one of those girls on the Jersey Shore who is DTF for a minute when he offered me a pair of sweats and I felt like maybe I was being used.  But I realized that I was using him too.  I also had a motive and desire to get laid, to get over the guy I was dating who broke my heart.  I’m not saying in any way, shape, or form that the best way to get over someone is to get under them but sometimes it at least makes you feel less lonely and more desirable.  I’ve had self esteem issues for years but I’ve come to accept that getting laid is an easy feat for me.  I used to be more easy I guess you could say because I would be so stunned that someone was attracted to me but I’ve grown to realize that men find me appealing and finding someone to sleep with me is simple.  It’s finding a guy to date that’s the difficult task.  I feel like I have everything I could want in my life except a relationship.  I’m doing all the things in life I wanted to do, working as a high level executive, owning a dog, writing for the world to read, owning my own home, etc. yet I’m still unhappy because I’m alone.  All I’ve ever really wanted was someone to love me and I know that sounds sad and cheesy but it’s just the reality of my desires.  However, that does not mean I’m above the hookup.

The hookup to some is slutty, to others is a weekly occurance but I think there is a happy middle.  People like Mike the Situation are gross.  They hook up with a different girl every night and have no respect for women.  People who do it once in while are just excersing their right to sexual freedom.  There is nothing wrong with safe casual sex unless you put a stigma on it or allow other people’s biases towards it to negetively effect your emotionality and opinions of it.  Far more people than will admit to it engage in the hookup and in this day and age I feel as though it is more commonplace than shameful.  Yet, if this is so, why do I feel like I did something wrong, like I compromised my morals.  I don’t regret it because I don’t believe in regret and it accomplished what I set out to achieve but at the end of the day all I did was up my number and I’ve gained no step closer to a relationship.  I still miss my ex every day and wish that he would change his mind about me.  I’m still just as much in love with him.  I still long to not be alone.  Yet, all the hookup is really meant to accomplish is to get you off in the moment.  By the very definition, it is just a casual sexual encounter with no strings attached.  Of course you can choose to contact the person after and see them again which happens to be true in my case but I don’t feel any connection to him and likely never will.  I think sometimes as girls we choose to drag out the hookup so we can feel better about our actions or justify our sexual promiscuity.  Yet, at the end of the day we still slept with someone that we hardly knew for the sake of getting off and that is just the nature of the hookup.

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