The Blow Job Obsession

So, a while back, when my blog was brand new I wrote a post about blow jobs titled Sex in the Early Stages of Dating, the Blowjob First Rule.  While this post has brought me a large number of voracious  onlookers it is actually rather disappointing to see that it is my top article by far each day.  I strive to write interesting and unique articles that discuss real issues in the dating world.  My goal with this blog was to appeal to the masses, both men and women, and touch upon issues that everyone can relate to with regards to dating.  I wanted to talk about everything from love and romance to drunken one night stands because these things are talked about and lived each day.  I wanted to write about topics that people could relate to and would want to comment on and instead I feel like the sexual aspects of my blog have become the focus when that was never my intention.

When I wrote about the blowjob first rule it was based on a real conversation I’d had with a friend.  I was wondering why I could never manage to have a long term relationship and every guy I dated started out as a hot, heavy, and passionate relationship and then fizzled within a few months to the casual hook-up or nothing at all.  She had supposed that the key to getting a guy to date you and stay with you is to hold off on having sex for as long as possible and before having sex with him, give him a blow job.  I’m not just talking some foreplay oral, but a complete to finish BJ not followed by sex at some point after several dates had ensued.  She claimed that men liked the chase and during this time of several dates where he is working to get laid, he learns to like and respect you.  After having a long serious conversation with my friend and even her boyfriend about this I wanted to know if her theory held any merit.  So, I took to my blog, summarized my conversation, and sought answers from my fans.  However, rather than getting lots of examples either proving or disproving the theory or getting insight from my peers I was met with mere sexual curiosity.  People simply focused on the blowjob aspect and didn’t care about anything else.  No one actually seems to have read the article and wanted to weigh in on the content, they just clicked on the link because of the title and this just isn’t how I want to attract readers.

In fact, I feel like when I see what search terms people are looking up, society cares solely about sex, hot chicks, and the Jersey Shore.  No one actually wants to read the content of the articles and comment intelligently.  Now I’m not trying to dis my fans because I’m so happy to have loyal readers, but I do want to note that society is super focused on sex.  Yes, I’m aware my blog is called sexiquette (which by the way is the etiquette pertaining to dating, sex, and relationships) but I did that because it was a word I actually used when discussing relationship maladies and it seemed fitting for my goals of the blog.  None of my articles were mean to be salacious and crude.  I like to think of the blog as a sort of Cosmo Magazine but more honest, individualized, and less sleazy but I haven’t yet found the audience to meet that intent.

Well, what I really wanted to get at with this article is society’s focus on sex and the blow job in particular.  I get tons of hits each day on the BJ article alone and it baffles me.  Why is oral sex on a man that popular?  What is so special about it that so many people each day scour the web in search of info?  I personally prefer regular sex to oral so I don’t really understand why a guy would prefer a BJ to actual sex.  Is it really that much better?  And if so, how so?  Does it really make an impact if you get one before you get the chance to have sex with a girl you are newly dating?

I’m absolutely fascinated with society’s obsession with the BJ.  You don’t see millions of women taking to google each day reading about guys going down on them, so why the rapacious appetite for knowledge and pics of oral sex on a man?  Interestingly enough, it is not just horny men looking for pics or detailed stories or videos to get off with but also a large amount of women actually search for info on how to give a good blow job.  This really strikes a chord with me.  You don’t see men surfing the web on how to give good oral on a woman, yet millions of young girls are reading up trying to be perfect in the ways they please their man.   I just don’t get what all the fascination is surrounding blow jobs, it’s just oral sex!  It happens everyday and it’s not like they never get them, especially when a relationship is new so I don’t understand what the special focus on it is.  It’s more popular than good old fashioned intercourse and I really would like to know why.  Can guys out there please comment on this post and shed some light onto the subject?  Don’t just tell me that it is because it feels great, because sex does too.  What makes the blow job so extra special?  Why take the time out of your day to Google it and read articles about it more so than you would for example read about missionary style sex or girl on top sex?

I want to know what makes this the most popular topic of internet conversation?  Is it because it’s talked about so much less than standard sex?  We see sex all over the media and are inundated with it in books, films, magazines, etc. but no one ever really gets into oral sex so perhaps the  fascination with it has more to do with the fact that it’s not talked about often or portrayed enough on film?  If that is the case I would love to write more about it because I want to touch on the topics in dating that people want to read about and aren’t talking about.  My goal with this blog was to discuss the topics you chat about with your closest friends, the stuff you go to others for advice about or to vent about.  I wanted to create a place where people could openly discuss their dating lives and see what the dating world is like for millions of others.  Sexiquette is about the life of people dating, having sex, and in relationships and all the trials and tribulations of the dating world.  I want to discuss relevant material that people can relate to and maybe learn something from or at the very least have a good laugh.   So, I hope that you keep reading and feel free to comment on anything published as it is meant to be an open forum.

8 thoughts on “The Blow Job Obsession

  1. Hello Max:
    I agree..Its very hot topic while we girls are to be gathered and start taking dirty …
    One of my friend start talking during we meet after b school..”last night me and my boy friend has some fun in his car…and I give his a blowjob…he told me thats a very nice skill you have and say we should go for ride every day…!

  2. I would like to know too…..since giving my first full blow job to my boyfriend, this is all that is on his mind. We have had mind blowing intercourse in the past and before I did this for him, so that is not the issue. I would love to know the fascination.

  3. Max,

    First, let me address all future readers on my honest-to-God response on her queries to men on blow jobs and their appeal, stigma, and all too common tropes in our culture: I’m only one–college-aged–man. That means I won’t have a female P.O.V., feelings, or experiences attached to my response, so ladies, if you disagree with any or all of what I say and feel, tough. As for the fellas, I haven’t lived your life, so I’m not as distinguished and sensual to women or crude, aloof, or “bro-ish” as you are either. My opinion. My experiences. My thoughts. My life. Your entertainment and food for thought.

    Some of the reasons blow jobs are so popular in our are pretty well-known, and others aren’t, and I’ll try to address as many as I can think of for the moment. They can’t be placed in any particular order, because some are more important than others, and I don’t want to generalize for anyone else.

    -For men, blow jobs feel amazing! Plain and simple! They turn men on, because they just physically feel great. The tongue on are man parts is capable of so many different actions and feels that you just can’t get from regular sex. A good BJ is great, a great BJ is extraordinary. Everyone’s feelings towards them are defined by their experiences receiving or giving them, and if you haven’t given or received one, what you have, by a Webster’s dictionary definition, is a prejudice. Never being a part of a a BJ, yet loving or hating them is ignorant, and kinda just makes you seem like a tool–no matter your gender or motivation.

    -They’re, supposedly, common-place, yet so controversial. From cave paintings, to the Kama Sutra, Victorian era literature and art, and high produced California industry pornography, blow jobs have consistently been depicted in human sexuality. It somehow, it a part of our experience, yet no one ever really talks about it in serious discussion. Even in my sex ed. classes in high school, oral sex never ever came up. I did go to school in Georgia– like “the film Deliverance looks like it could have been filmed a county over” Georgia, not Atlanta or Savannah, Georgia– so that could have had a lot to do with it. Most men think they’re God’s gift to the sons of Adam, and most women I’ve ever truly discussed them with fit into two categories, “Meh… I do it because my partner/boyfriend/ FWB/etc. likes it” all the way to “blow jobs are a ploy thought up by the Devil and taught to perverted-heathen-men-beasts to degrade and defile women and keep them from ever achieving equality and true happiness. By forcing us to put to put penises in our mouths, your Freudian subconscious hates women, which stems from your dirty feelings towards your mother”! While men think, “Uh, no, I just want a blow job… and bacon… Preferably, at the same time, but afterwards is good too”.

    -This point stems from the second one, the only way men really learn what a blow job is, is from porn. It only comes to us in a hyper-sexualized format, which was purposely-made to intrigue and activate our sexual wants and needs, not provoke discussion or rational thought. We’re never sat down by our teachers, parents, church leaders, or a Reading Rainbow-PBS special and educated on them. They’re thrown in our faces (no pun intended) when, most of us, are even too young to even be the target audience of what we’re seeing. So from Square #1, blow jobs seem like they’re there to please and excite us, and we finally get one, and they’re pretty great in reality, too! Women, find out the same way, we do, but see a woman held by the neck, making noises that don’t sound or seem natural or pleasurable, and are turned off of it, so of course we don’t understand or see your point of view either. Worse still, another person tells you “blow jobs are evil, immoral, and the express lane to eternal damnation or unhappiness–the male gender’s true reason for making you do them”, which some how becomes a part of your justification for never even trying them.

    -Why are blow jobs so popularly googled? Well, for starters, there’s not exactly a set way to do them. No one wants to take what they THINK they learned from the only source out there, porn, to their boyfriend’s equipment! No one’s gonna go ask their parents what a blow job’s like, so you google! You browse forums, blogs, social media, how-to videos and millions of other sources to satisfy curiosities that never cease. It’s human nature to know the “profane and perverse”! Same reason people watch horror flicks, peek at X-mas gifts, and fantasize about banging a friend’s hot mom (yes, every guy’s done it–See “Stifler’s mom”). Also, by googling “blow job”, your blog entry is one of the top results… probably because of the many visitors, so it’s a self-sustaining cycle of never ending blow job related readings, and has nothing to do with your blog, or you personally in particular.

    -Now, on to your personal writings about blow jobs, why is is so popular? Because people, men and women, look to you to know how to feel, and how others feel about blow jobs. Yes, men know they’re amazing, and want more. So why wouldn’t we want to know how and what women think about them? “Know thine enemy”, right? Men aren’t heartless creatures, and do want blow jobs, and prefer, if you gals enjoyed them as well. That’s why a pretty good percentage of guys know, before our “encounter”, drink a liquid ton of pineapple, lemon, or orange juice to improve our taste, and avoid red meats, onions, garlic, asparagus, and broccoli, because what we eat affects how we taste to you ladies. We want to know if we can help women be more open or eased into their decision of giving them, because it’s a benefit of you like them, or at least will perform them with toleration, because it makes us happy. From the women perspective, I guess to know how your contemporaries feel about them, because I’ve talked to my female friends about their “culture shock” when they found out blow jobs really aren’t an ethical big deal or an evil semi-demonic ploy or conspiracy to keep women from equality and freedom, and a great many of them learned from female sexuality bloggers, writers, editorialists, and authors that it’s fine to just give blow jobs, or to at least experience it, before you sign a blood pact with your mother, siblings, church group, or your girlfriends to strike down the malevolent act known as fellatio! For example, you yourself publicly wrote and discussed multiple times about a rule that everyone kind of subconsciously follows, yet I’ve never talked about it with anyone. We just kind of… know. I guess, it goes with the baseball base analogies that we a follow too. Third base before home base, or something like that. That shows that people want to know and learn about something that no one knows about, yet everyone knows about. You, Max, wrote about the “rule” to blow jobs, and you ask why they’re so popular? Well, because they have social and personal steps and formalities that many know and follow in our society. That’s a clue to something bigger, I think.

    -What makes a blow job so interesting? Well, for starters, it’s the most amazing thing a man can ever do by sitting or laying still. Amazing feeling with no effort exerted by me at all? That’s the pinnacle of a man’s dream moment wrapped up with a little bow. There’s not a single pressure to perform. No worry of “am I pleasing her? Is this how I’m supposed to arch my back to reach her g spot? How long am I supposed to last”? Nada! You just sit back and enjoy the fun-filled, pressure less ride of a life time. It’s over when we finish, it’s quote-unquote, “normal” and legal, so,. from a male perspective, what exactly is there NOT to absolute love about blow jobs?

    Now, I hope and think I answered most of what you asked in your previous post, and yeah, I could have included a ton more on cunnilingus, 69’ing, who goes first, or if one is more personal than the other, when I think it should be done in a relationship, blah blah, blah, but this in its own is more than its own topic that really can’t be covered without a publishing house and an editor!

    Comments, questions, and thoughts of all sides and types are welcome from my fellow readers–male and female!

  4. From my perspective I like it because I’m getting her full attention, and the only thing I know she’s thinking about is making me feel good. Depending on how it’s done, really changes the dynamic for me. If it’s just her trying to get it over with, and going as fast as she can, it’s not gratifying. I’ve had a girlfriend go down on me, and she explained to me other people told her that she was good at it. It got the job done because I finished to let her think she accomplished what she obviously wanted, get it over with.

    If she’s not enjoying it, I’m really not either. If she’s just pumping me in her mouth, I could imagine her mind could be wandering. I’ve only had a couple blowjobs (dates for that matter because of my bad luck), but I could imagine if a girl would take her time and practice knowing the spots to hit, I would be so much more turned on that she was being so thoughtful of me. I would also notice that she was only thinking of me because she’s using a technique, that requires skill and knowledge of what I want and how I’m feeling. If she takes her time, I wouldn’t feel like she’s anxious to get it over with and that she’s enjoying it. Her enjoying it is very important, I want to feel like a sexual being and that I’m desired by her. With all of these positive feelings, I can keep my mind from wandering, and only thinking about the attention I’m getting and let that be what’s driving my pleasure. If she’s going fast right off the bat, I feel like she is doing it out of obligation and really doesn’t care about how I feel at all. That the only thing that matters is I finish, and I must be happy with that because that’s as far as she think’s my mind is concerned with.

    When I got my first blowjob, I felt like the girl wanted me and desired me because she was willing to do that. Being desired, and put in a position where I felt like I was getting all of the attention was incredible validation. It would make me think that she not only likes me a lot, she could do this again in the future, but that I must be attractive enough for her to be wanted sexually too. It made me feel sexy, cared for, and pleased at the same time. Whereas if I was just having sex, I’m doing all of the work, and I spend too much time thinking about if I’m doing something wrong and if she’s enjoying it. I attack myself in my thoughts thinking maybe I’m failing at this and she won’t want to have sex with me afterwards because I’m performing bad. So this made me want this feeling more, I wanted it more than sex because of these reasons.

    My second blowjob (-_- so few) I was thinking about these things, but also was thinking about how it was really like the last time. She didn’t do anything different. Yes I got the attention, I finished and all of that, but it really just seemed like she was doing it because it was required or something. Like “if you do this the guy will like you”. It was almost robotic feeling because there was no emotion coming from her (This is where I’m different from other guys, not sure). Some guys are totally happy with the above paragraph and think that the attention and pleasure is good enough. When the only attention you are getting is someone just sucking, and you just finishing. Where is the real pleasure? Now I don’t feel pleasured, certainly don’t think I’m getting attention (because it’s just another bj to her), and I’m not cared for because she’s doing this like it’s some sort of ‘routine maintenance’ for my well being.

    So girls, hopefully that clears things up. Really though, if you are putting so much thought into knowing how to please him and he isn’t responding like you want. Most likely he only cares about the fact you can put it in your mouth, and paragraph 3. So give it to the guys that appreciate it (I wouldn’t mind). Most of my perspective I think comes from me being the other side of the coin. I mean, I LOVE more than anything to give cunnilingus, I love to give it first before I even get anything. I put so much thought into it that I read tons of books on how to do it, and really do my best to detect your emotions while I’m doing it. I can tell when you are just pretending to like it and thinking, “ok when is he done, this isn’t going anywhere, he’s like a milometer off, this is frustrating”. Most guys will just lick around thinking that it’s doing it for you, because that’s what you do for them and it works. My perspective of the real emotion behind a blowjob for me, starts with cunnilingus, oddly enough. When I’m giving her all of that attention and thoughtfulness, I really really want that in return afterward, and I can tell when I’m not getting it. I bet that happens for you girls, you start out with giving them a great bj, and then they either lick around on you or have sex, and it leaves you feeling dissatisfied that your emotions weren’t returned. Then you just try to enjoy it “as best you can”.

    Anyways, there you go internet.

  5. For the record, I spend a lot of time on the net looking up sexual info about how to please my woman as much as I do about these sorts of topics. So that comment is a little false, perhaps I’m out of the norm. I read an article a while ago (which I don’t remember where) that a guy associated blowjobs with a woman accepting him fully. Men and women both have an ingrained shame or disgust at their own body. Even a lot of women don’t find the penis all that “Attractive”. So when a woman lustily takes it into her mouth, and then takes the load and swallows it as well, it’s sort of completely accepting the man. I can’t exactly describe why, but there is nothing hotter to me than a woman giving a blowjob when she appears to be passionately enjoying it.

  6. As for the guy – the bj rocks cuz he doesn’t have to think to get hard, doesn’t have to think about position, doesn’t have to think about her satisfaction, doesn’t have to think of positions 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and lets not forget that it is the greatest feeling ever, all things considere d. As for the girl – some like to do it, but as for the ones who do their homework, well I believe it is the same reason that some go to the gym. Be in better shape and do thing better than the younger prettier and

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