The Bar Scene

The other night I went out with my girls to a local bar/club for the first time in a while.  Living  just 15 minutes from Boston I have access to hundreds of great clubs and bars that I don’t always take advantage of but it was in this night that I saw why these places do not have much appeal to me.  When I was younger and newly 21, going out to the local pubs for drunken debauchery seemed fun…but that was also 5 years ago when the scene was new to me and I was single.  Now being romantically entangled (in a relationship I’m not entirely sure is actually a relationship but is exclusive none the less), such venues have no appeal. Continue reading

The Fear of Lonliness

The fear of being alone is a very powerful thing.  I am not sure how many people have this fear because it’s one of those things no one talks about but locks away inside to eat at them each day.  I am an honest person, probably too forthcoming, which constantly gets me into messes that I’m not equipped to get myself out of.  So, as part of being truthful, I am open about my fears of dying alone.  My close friends who are aware of my anxiety think that I am crazy and claim that I’m 25 and beautiful and this is an irrational and unnecessary stress.  Regardless, it plagues me everyday.  Maybe it was because of how I grew up, with parents who  hated each other and resented me.  Perhaps the dissolution of my relationship with my father and 5+ year estrangement has affected me more than I care to admit.  Possibly it is the fact that my mother is an emotionally disturbed woman who likely has undiagnosed BPD and 18 years of growing up with her did a number on my self-worth and ability to handle my emotions because in addition to being a very honest person, I am also a deeply sensitive girl.

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What Do You Call a Male Cougar?…A Creep?

Recently a female friend of mine who is nearly 26 has started seeing a 20 year old boy.  And by 20 years old, I mean he was still 19 halfway through March.  They are worlds apart, him having graduated high school two years after she was done with college, her having an established career while he works on campus and is in a fraternity.  They can’t go to bars together since he is under age and he has to come to her place because he lives in the dorms and despite how much fun they have, she can’t help but feel that it’s a little weird or maybe even wrong.  There is nothing illegal about it but the way our friends talk to her and joke about the relationship makes it seem as though there is something wrong.  She stands behind her decision to hang out with him and swears he’s mature for his age, but where will this possibly go? Continue reading

In Love With the Idea: A Dangerous Delusion

Don’t be angry, don’t be sad, and don’t sit cryin’ over good times you’ve had. There’s a girl right next to you, and she’s just waitin’ for something to do.

And there’s a rose in the fisted glove and the eagle flies with the dove, and if you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with.”

-Stephen Stills

I’ve been in the dating field for about a decade now and during that time I learned quite a bit about all the mistakes one can make when casually dating someone or seeing someone with the intent and hope of taking things to a more committed level.  One concept that repeatedly comes up in my life and my friends’ lives is falling in love with the idea of someone while believing you actually love that person. Continue reading

The Tuesday/Thursday Phenomenon: It Has Probably Happened to You and You Didn’t Even Realize It

As a twenty something year old law student preparing for the bar, I, from time to time, find myself looking back on my single days to remind myself how good I have it right now- hard to imagine, I know. To put it intoperspective, this is a time in my life where I would rather scrub the toaster oven than continue studying so it shouldn’t be that hard to imagine that reminiscing about my failed relationships could actually be a pick me up. In the course of one of these “therapeutic” procrastination sessions I stumbled upon the old Tuesday Thursday trick that I would like to share with the unassuming singles out there who may be reading this.

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What is Dating…Really?

While having a much needed girls’ night with one of my besties, we inevitably transitioned from venting about our work week frustrations to discussing our ever changing and utterly confusing romantic engagements.  She is dating a guy who is blatantly in love with her but dances around the topic saying everything but those three little words.  They see each other more than once a week, are exclusively sexually involved with one another (which he refers to as making love), and they have plans set as far as six months into the future…however, he does not call her his girlfriend and does not refer to them as dating. Continue reading

Lust vs. Love How Do You Know If It’s Real?

I’m currently at the age where slowly but surely my friends are getting married.  Facebook statuses continue to update with engagements, weddings, and committed relationships (complicated and not).   While it seems that everyone around me is taking their next steps into adulthood with ease and pleasure, I remain single.  When catching up with old friends after years of distance and they learn of my professional and personal successes, their eyes light up awaiting to hear exciting news of my relationship bliss only to be dimmed when they learn I still have no significant other.  I often am asked if I have a boyfriend, to which I’m not sure how to reply.  I hate lying but I don’t want them to think I am some loser who can’t get a guy to stick around.  Regardless of who I’m speaking to, I seem to default to “it’s complicated.”  But really, it is not.  I’m single, plain and simple.

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What is Romance?

While talking to a friend who recently has accepted the fact that she is definitively in love with her soon-to-be boyfriend, she filled me in on all the romantic gestures he has made and why he is so special to her.  She excitedly told me about their “love making” to carefully crafted, sensual playlists, numerous special moments in their lives which they have chosen to commemorate as anniversaries, and the candlelit, homemade dinners he prepares for her where they discuss their intense feelings for one another.  Hearing all of the details of their frequent amorous experiences made me think about the concept of romance and how it varies from one individual to the next.  Continue reading