Lust vs. Love: Reality vs. Desire

After several months of careful thought and consideration I’ve decided to reevaluate my stance on lust and love.  I had described lust as just feelings and desire while love was more about the underlying friendship and deeper connection.  I still hold that to be true but when I think of the one person I’ve ever loved I am not so sure how true it really was. Continue reading

The Fear Spectrum

I’ve written a number of times about doubt, fear of being alone, and dread.  I’ve detailed these concepts before, yet I still feel that there is more to say.  I theoretically should be living in bliss.  I have great friends, two good jobs, and am dating a great guy.  I’m relatively attractive and healthy, I have an adorable dog, and have numerous hobbies.  However, this still seems to either not be enough or be too good to be true. Continue reading

“Cruel To Be Kind Means That I Love You Baby You Gotta Be Cruel to Be Kind”

As a child we were told by our parents that if a boy picked on us on the playground it meant that he liked us.  As adults we chase after the guys who don’t call us back or ignore our texts while dismissing the ones who take us out for dinner and pick up the tab then text us after to tell us what a great time they had.  We want what we can’t have and we are led to believe since we are children that cruelty and unkindness equate to attraction and love.  This is a sick fallacy that has warped all of our minds and we have consumed the myth and spit it out as fact. Continue reading

“You Think Fear of Being Alone is Bad…Let Me Tell You About Dread”

A while back I was having lunch with one of my besties and was grumbling about how much I hated being alone.  My mother is a 50-something divorce with only one friend, no male prospects, and is utterly miserable.  She has a cat and lives with my grandpa taking care of him while his health is failing.  I at the time lived with a deep rooted fear that a similar fate was in store for me and worried daily about being in my 50’s with nothing but a few dogs, a basement full of crap, and no one loving me in my life.  Obviously at 25 this was irrational but we all can’t help but worry from time to time that we won’t meet that special someone–that Mr. Right will never sail along and we will be trapped flailing in the sea with a bunch of douchebags who won’t throw us a life jacket.  I was telling my friend about my horrible fear of dying alone when she interjected with something she felt was much worse–dread.  “You think the fear of being alone is bad…let me tell you about a little something called dread.” Continue reading

Is It Worth Messing With the Zip Code Rule?

Those of you who have been in the dating world a little while are aware of the “rule” about cheating and zip codes.  Urban Dictionary states that “if you have a girl in one zip code it is not cheating when you enter a new zip code.”  While zip code is a bit of a stretch and 2 miles or 100 miles away you are still cheating, is it cheating when you are separated and living in different countries? Continue reading

Dating Within the Friend Group

I am at that stage in my life where my education is completed for the time being, I am settled in a job, and have most of the friends that I am going to have for the rest of my life.  I don’t want to meet a guy in a bar so where does that leave me to find someone to help me change my Facebook status from single to “in a relationship”?  There is the world of online dating, which I will share my experiences with you at another time, you can meet someone by chance, or there is dating within the friend group and dating friends of friends.  Over the past year the latter has been my method and I must admit I have mixed reviews. Continue reading

Life Without You

Longing for yesterday

Fearing the tomorrow.

Cursing fate in every way

For handing me such sorrow.

It took you from me

Before our time was up.

Now it’s just me. Continue reading

The Fear of Lonliness

The fear of being alone is a very powerful thing.  I am not sure how many people have this fear because it’s one of those things no one talks about but locks away inside to eat at them each day.  I am an honest person, probably too forthcoming, which constantly gets me into messes that I’m not equipped to get myself out of.  So, as part of being truthful, I am open about my fears of dying alone.  My close friends who are aware of my anxiety think that I am crazy and claim that I’m 25 and beautiful and this is an irrational and unnecessary stress.  Regardless, it plagues me everyday.  Maybe it was because of how I grew up, with parents who  hated each other and resented me.  Perhaps the dissolution of my relationship with my father and 5+ year estrangement has affected me more than I care to admit.  Possibly it is the fact that my mother is an emotionally disturbed woman who likely has undiagnosed BPD and 18 years of growing up with her did a number on my self-worth and ability to handle my emotions because in addition to being a very honest person, I am also a deeply sensitive girl.

Continue reading

What Do You Call a Male Cougar?…A Creep?

Recently a female friend of mine who is nearly 26 has started seeing a 20 year old boy.  And by 20 years old, I mean he was still 19 halfway through March.  They are worlds apart, him having graduated high school two years after she was done with college, her having an established career while he works on campus and is in a fraternity.  They can’t go to bars together since he is under age and he has to come to her place because he lives in the dorms and despite how much fun they have, she can’t help but feel that it’s a little weird or maybe even wrong.  There is nothing illegal about it but the way our friends talk to her and joke about the relationship makes it seem as though there is something wrong.  She stands behind her decision to hang out with him and swears he’s mature for his age, but where will this possibly go? Continue reading

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Somehow, despite my consistent relationship failures, I seem to be the go-to person for my closest friends when it comes to dating and relationship advice.  Perhaps it is because I am so open and honest about my sexploits as well as my emotional highs and lows that people feel comfortable disclosing their own dating tribulations.  Or, maybe because I am a good listener and have a degree in psychology, people appreciate the way I validate their upset, help them to draw their own conclusions, and enable them to select a course of action they find best rather than solely dictating my opinions and expecting them to adhere.  Whatever the reason, my friends come to me almost daily to discuss their forays in singledom, long-term relationship woes, or pre-marital bliss and I never tire of being on speed dial.

The other day I received a flurry of texts from one of my besties who is conflicted about her current relationship.  Continue reading