Lust vs. Love: Reality vs. Desire

After several months of careful thought and consideration I’ve decided to reevaluate my stance on lust and love.  I had described lust as just feelings and desire while love was more about the underlying friendship and deeper connection.  I still hold that to be true but when I think of the one person I’ve ever loved I am not so sure how true it really was. Continue reading

The Fear Spectrum

I’ve written a number of times about doubt, fear of being alone, and dread.  I’ve detailed these concepts before, yet I still feel that there is more to say.  I theoretically should be living in bliss.  I have great friends, two good jobs, and am dating a great guy.  I’m relatively attractive and healthy, I have an adorable dog, and have numerous hobbies.  However, this still seems to either not be enough or be too good to be true. Continue reading

“Cruel To Be Kind Means That I Love You Baby You Gotta Be Cruel to Be Kind”

As a child we were told by our parents that if a boy picked on us on the playground it meant that he liked us.  As adults we chase after the guys who don’t call us back or ignore our texts while dismissing the ones who take us out for dinner and pick up the tab then text us after to tell us what a great time they had.  We want what we can’t have and we are led to believe since we are children that cruelty and unkindness equate to attraction and love.  This is a sick fallacy that has warped all of our minds and we have consumed the myth and spit it out as fact. Continue reading

“You Think Fear of Being Alone is Bad…Let Me Tell You About Dread”

A while back I was having lunch with one of my besties and was grumbling about how much I hated being alone.  My mother is a 50-something divorce with only one friend, no male prospects, and is utterly miserable.  She has a cat and lives with my grandpa taking care of him while his health is failing.  I at the time lived with a deep rooted fear that a similar fate was in store for me and worried daily about being in my 50’s with nothing but a few dogs, a basement full of crap, and no one loving me in my life.  Obviously at 25 this was irrational but we all can’t help but worry from time to time that we won’t meet that special someone–that Mr. Right will never sail along and we will be trapped flailing in the sea with a bunch of douchebags who won’t throw us a life jacket.  I was telling my friend about my horrible fear of dying alone when she interjected with something she felt was much worse–dread.  “You think the fear of being alone is bad…let me tell you about a little something called dread.” Continue reading

Fear of Happiness…Why Be Afraid of What We Crave Most?

I recently wrote about my finally finding  happiness in a great guy.  I’ve talked in the past about my friend who dates the most romantic guy who “makes love” to her while listening to Sade.  We spend out lives searching for Mr. Right or at least a guy who makes us happy and completes us when we didn’t even know that we weren’t whole.  Well, what happens when we do find that special someone?  Do we just suddenly accept happiness and spend our days smiling about our great lives and ruminating over how it could possibly get any better than it already is?  Chances are sadly, no.  We tend to want what we can’t have and when we get what we want we fear losing it.  So, when we finally meet the right guy rather than living in a love struck bliss we wallow and weep over the dread of losing this new found happiness because now that we know what love and contentment feels like we can’t live without it. Continue reading

Is It Worth Messing With the Zip Code Rule?

Those of you who have been in the dating world a little while are aware of the “rule” about cheating and zip codes.  Urban Dictionary states that “if you have a girl in one zip code it is not cheating when you enter a new zip code.”  While zip code is a bit of a stretch and 2 miles or 100 miles away you are still cheating, is it cheating when you are separated and living in different countries? Continue reading

Dating Within the Friend Group

I am at that stage in my life where my education is completed for the time being, I am settled in a job, and have most of the friends that I am going to have for the rest of my life.  I don’t want to meet a guy in a bar so where does that leave me to find someone to help me change my Facebook status from single to “in a relationship”?  There is the world of online dating, which I will share my experiences with you at another time, you can meet someone by chance, or there is dating within the friend group and dating friends of friends.  Over the past year the latter has been my method and I must admit I have mixed reviews. Continue reading

The Fear of Lonliness

The fear of being alone is a very powerful thing.  I am not sure how many people have this fear because it’s one of those things no one talks about but locks away inside to eat at them each day.  I am an honest person, probably too forthcoming, which constantly gets me into messes that I’m not equipped to get myself out of.  So, as part of being truthful, I am open about my fears of dying alone.  My close friends who are aware of my anxiety think that I am crazy and claim that I’m 25 and beautiful and this is an irrational and unnecessary stress.  Regardless, it plagues me everyday.  Maybe it was because of how I grew up, with parents who  hated each other and resented me.  Perhaps the dissolution of my relationship with my father and 5+ year estrangement has affected me more than I care to admit.  Possibly it is the fact that my mother is an emotionally disturbed woman who likely has undiagnosed BPD and 18 years of growing up with her did a number on my self-worth and ability to handle my emotions because in addition to being a very honest person, I am also a deeply sensitive girl.

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What Do You Call a Male Cougar?…A Creep?

Recently a female friend of mine who is nearly 26 has started seeing a 20 year old boy.  And by 20 years old, I mean he was still 19 halfway through March.  They are worlds apart, him having graduated high school two years after she was done with college, her having an established career while he works on campus and is in a fraternity.  They can’t go to bars together since he is under age and he has to come to her place because he lives in the dorms and despite how much fun they have, she can’t help but feel that it’s a little weird or maybe even wrong.  There is nothing illegal about it but the way our friends talk to her and joke about the relationship makes it seem as though there is something wrong.  She stands behind her decision to hang out with him and swears he’s mature for his age, but where will this possibly go? Continue reading

Murphy’s Law Days

Have you ever had a day where from the moment you wake up in the morning until the minute you rest your head on your pillow at night, nothing seems to go your way?  You snooze your alarm too many times or sleep through it all together which leads you to hop in the shower 20 minutes late.  Your boss calls with an excessive amount of work before you even leave for the office and on the drive in you get stuck behind a car going 10 miles per hour for the full duration of your trip.  Finding a parking spot at the office lot takes longer than usual and by the time you get to work you are a half hour late, agitated, and on edge .  Your coworkers are pestering you with additional responsibilities and the phone rings off the hook with others in need of your services and/or shit hitting the fan that you have to clean up.  Everyone is in a bad mood, every sound bothers you, and the day grows worse.  Your boyfriend and you have a fight or maybe he dumps you.  You get held up at work past 5 o’clock and hit brutal traffic which results in you being late for your hair appointment.  You try to think positively and be relieved that work is over only to find out that your friend got in a car accident and totaled her vehicle.  Then the building where you are getting your trim goes on fire thus you are evacuated and made to wait in the cold while five fire trucks pull up to save the day.  However, you manage to make it home in one piece—stunned and irritated, but alive—and you pass out in your bed due to exhaustion from the day as well as fear that if you stay awake more misery will come your way.  This is what I call a Murphy’s Law Day.  Continue reading