Hypnotic, Haunting Love

Just when I think I’ve broken free

You wake me in my sleep

And start haunting me.

As I lie and weep

Over what we had

I cry for what I lost

And how you made me feel bad

Yet I am the one with the cost

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Somehow, despite my consistent relationship failures, I seem to be the go-to person for my closest friends when it comes to dating and relationship advice.  Perhaps it is because I am so open and honest about my sexploits as well as my emotional highs and lows that people feel comfortable disclosing their own dating tribulations.  Or, maybe because I am a good listener and have a degree in psychology, people appreciate the way I validate their upset, help them to draw their own conclusions, and enable them to select a course of action they find best rather than solely dictating my opinions and expecting them to adhere.  Whatever the reason, my friends come to me almost daily to discuss their forays in singledom, long-term relationship woes, or pre-marital bliss and I never tire of being on speed dial.

The other day I received a flurry of texts from one of my besties who is conflicted about her current relationship. 

In Love With the Idea: A Dangerous Delusion

“Don’t be angry, don’t be sad, and don’t sit cryin’ over good times you’ve had. There’s a girl right next to you, and she’s just waitin’ for something to do.

And there’s a rose in the fisted glove and the eagle flies with the dove, and if you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with.”

-Stephen Stills

I’ve been in the dating field for about a decade now and during that time I learned quite a bit about all the mistakes one can make when casually dating someone or seeing someone with the intent and hope of taking things to a more committed level.  One concept that repeatedly comes up in my life and my friends’ lives is falling in love with the idea of someone while believing you actually love that person.

The Overly Accommodating Dater

Have you ever been in a situation where  you have a best friend, you hang out with him/her all the time and the two of you have so much fun and life is great, then all of that goes by the wayside  because he/she starts dating someone?  It has happened to most of us I’m sure so it is a well known fact that when taken too seriously relationships can ruin friendships.  There are catch phrases like “bros before hos” or “chicks before dicks” but these give the impression that relationships are bad thing to be avoided which is not the case.  Rather, life is a balancing act and it is important to make time for all the people who matter in your life not just the one who you are sleeping with.

Despite What You Were Told, If a Boy Is Mean to You That Does Not Mean He Likes You

“But, despite the truth that I know
I find it hard to let go and give up on you
Seems I love the things you do
Like the meaner you treat me the more eager I am
To persist with this heartbreak and running around
And I think that I know things may never change
I’m still hoping one day I might hear you say
I make you feel a way you’ve never felt before
And I’m all you need and that you never want more”

-Adele

Growing up we girls were told that if a boy picked on us or was mean to us that meant he liked us.  This makes some sense in children because young boys may not understand their feelings or be confused at what they mean but adult men should know how to treat a girl like a lady and I just don’t buy this adage being applicable to anyone over the age of 13.

Follow-Up: The Facebook Break-Up

Seeing as this is a blog on Sexiquette, I have wanted to do an all-encompassing break-up post discussing the number of methods used by others to end things with me or by me to end a relationship with someone else.  However, after posting the recent article on Facebook and social networking, I have an addendum posting to add that addresses a new low in the dating world–being dumped on FB.

POEM: Thorn in the Rain

Kisses like roses

Soft petal touches.

Rubbing our noses.

We were like crutches,

Leaning onto each other.

Facebook…Good or Bad for Relationships

It’s crazy to think how different the dating world of 2011 is compared to those of just a decade or so ago.  Everyone has cell phones, there are more social  networking sites then there are Dunkin Donuts, and the rules have changed significantly.  I remember when I was in 5th or 6th grade and chat rooms were new and cool, now they have been replaced by BBM, Twitter, and Facebook.  While we have grown dependent upon all this technology, is it really such a good thing?

The Man Who Doesn’t Masturbate and the History of Masturbation

I know this may sound like an urban myth or as if it belongs in the realm of the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus.  Honestly it is hard to believe that anyone, male or female, in the 21st century doesn’t masturbate.  It is even more unfathomable to conceive that there are men who will have sex, premarital sex at that, yet will not pleasure themselves.  Well, they do exist…apparently.

POEM: The Us That Never Was

The things I used to love so much,

Are tainted with the memory of you.

Now I’m lost without your touch,

How will I ever make it through

All this suffering and pain?

Life will just never be the same.

So bottoms up, I give a toast

To the you, the us that never was.