The Amorous Commit-a-Phobe

While on a recent lunch date with my bff and her sister, I stumbled into an interesting conversation that both surprised and enlightened me.  This friend was telling us a funny old story that involved a boy whom was in love with her but wasn’t interested in dating her or in a relationship.  It was not the humorous tale involving inebriation and vomiting that shocked me but rather the revelation that there is someone else out there who experienced this type of dater–or non-dater rather–The Amorous Commit-a-phobe.  I know that seems like an oxymoron, but yet they do exist and I finally realize that perhaps my crazy dating life in which I feel so scattered and alone is not so uncommon after all. Continue reading

The Sneak Up Effect of Love

So earlier this week I was out with some friends at a bar trying to have a good time.  I met a guy who wasn’t really my type and whom I really had no interest in but I allowed him to buy me drinks.  After all, this is what I’m supposed to be doing to get over a broken  heart, right?  Well the night wound up being a disaster when the guy thought buying drinks equaled free reign of his hands on my body.  I tried to be polite but after a while it really started to irk me.  By the end of the night I left in tears not just because of the groping jerk but because out of the blue I was struck with the sadness of heartache and it’s been almost a month since I was dumped. Continue reading

Hooked on a Feeling

“You got it, you got it

Some Kind of Magic

Hypnotic, Hypnotic,

You’re leaving me breathless.

I hate this, I hate this

You’re not the one I believe in.”

-Paramore

Relationships are complicated, there is no doubt about that.  Sometimes two people seem to go together and fit in perfect harmony but the majority of the time one person cares more and there are road bumps all along the journey.  In my most recent relationship I was dumped because he didn’t have “that feeling,” as he put it, for me.  Well I had feelings for him; in my eyes everything was perfect.  How can it be that one person is headed for love while the other is headed for the door? Continue reading

Lust vs. Love: Reality vs. Desire

After several months of careful thought and consideration I’ve decided to reevaluate my stance on lust and love.  I had described lust as just feelings and desire while love was more about the underlying friendship and deeper connection.  I still hold that to be true but when I think of the one person I’ve ever loved I am not so sure how true it really was. Continue reading

The Fear Spectrum

I’ve written a number of times about doubt, fear of being alone, and dread.  I’ve detailed these concepts before, yet I still feel that there is more to say.  I theoretically should be living in bliss.  I have great friends, two good jobs, and am dating a great guy.  I’m relatively attractive and healthy, I have an adorable dog, and have numerous hobbies.  However, this still seems to either not be enough or be too good to be true. Continue reading

“Cruel To Be Kind Means That I Love You Baby You Gotta Be Cruel to Be Kind”

As a child we were told by our parents that if a boy picked on us on the playground it meant that he liked us.  As adults we chase after the guys who don’t call us back or ignore our texts while dismissing the ones who take us out for dinner and pick up the tab then text us after to tell us what a great time they had.  We want what we can’t have and we are led to believe since we are children that cruelty and unkindness equate to attraction and love.  This is a sick fallacy that has warped all of our minds and we have consumed the myth and spit it out as fact. Continue reading

The Danger of Doubt

So after writing about dread the other day I began to ponder about it further and realized just how much it consumes so many people’s lives.  Friends often tell me that they are so happy with the people whom they are with that they are actually scared of it.  What has happened to us that we are so conditioned to being miserable that we have become afraid of being content and blissful?  We are so pessimistic and fearful in nature that we allow unfounded fears and misguided concerns rule our daily lives.  I am no exception of course and I too now know the torture that is dread.  And it’s true, while fear of being alone is bad, dread is just as as awful. Continue reading

“You Think Fear of Being Alone is Bad…Let Me Tell You About Dread”

A while back I was having lunch with one of my besties and was grumbling about how much I hated being alone.  My mother is a 50-something divorce with only one friend, no male prospects, and is utterly miserable.  She has a cat and lives with my grandpa taking care of him while his health is failing.  I at the time lived with a deep rooted fear that a similar fate was in store for me and worried daily about being in my 50’s with nothing but a few dogs, a basement full of crap, and no one loving me in my life.  Obviously at 25 this was irrational but we all can’t help but worry from time to time that we won’t meet that special someone–that Mr. Right will never sail along and we will be trapped flailing in the sea with a bunch of douchebags who won’t throw us a life jacket.  I was telling my friend about my horrible fear of dying alone when she interjected with something she felt was much worse–dread.  “You think the fear of being alone is bad…let me tell you about a little something called dread.” Continue reading

When Is A Relationship Official?

Dating used to be simple.  In the olden days men courted ladies who strolled through the countryside with a parasol in hand on chaperoned dates with their suitors.  In the 50’s guys gave girls a pin and were asked to “go steady” solidifying that the relationship was official.  Now things are so complicated with there being all different levels of dating, hookups, and relationships that it is nearly impossible to keep track.  There are friends with benefits, there is dating  but not in a relationship, and there is dating while not sleeping with other people yet still not in a relationship and it is all very confusing.  Older generations have trouble understanding what today’s youth is doing and even the young adults amidst this crazy dating world are perplexed at times as well.  What happened to the simple times where a guy asked a girl out, you went and got a milk shake, and soon enough you were holding hands and going steady? Continue reading

Fear of Happiness…Why Be Afraid of What We Crave Most?

I recently wrote about my finally finding  happiness in a great guy.  I’ve talked in the past about my friend who dates the most romantic guy who “makes love” to her while listening to Sade.  We spend out lives searching for Mr. Right or at least a guy who makes us happy and completes us when we didn’t even know that we weren’t whole.  Well, what happens when we do find that special someone?  Do we just suddenly accept happiness and spend our days smiling about our great lives and ruminating over how it could possibly get any better than it already is?  Chances are sadly, no.  We tend to want what we can’t have and when we get what we want we fear losing it.  So, when we finally meet the right guy rather than living in a love struck bliss we wallow and weep over the dread of losing this new found happiness because now that we know what love and contentment feels like we can’t live without it. Continue reading