Rejection, A Sad State of Affairs

So recently I hooked up with a guy to try to get over my ex.  I know, not my most brilliant idea but we all do stupid things when we are hurting.  Well this guy and I hooked up a few times and had made tentatively plans to actually go out on a date.  I wasn’t really that into him but I needed to try to move on from the guy I was dating and I thought this could be a fun distraction.  Now, today I got news that he will be coming to the bar we’ve been hanging out at each Friday with a new girl.  I did not hear this from him, I heard it from a friend but despite not even having feelings for him I find myself with tears welling up in my eyes.  It’s not that HE dumped me, but that he DUMPED me. Continue reading

Heartbreak and Healing

I always have found it odd that breaking up with someone or negative events within a relationship could hurt so bad.  No one actually touched me, punched me in my gut, got inside my body and stabbed my heart without leaving a mark, or banged around inside my head yet I ache like I’ve been beaten.  I cry, I gasp for air, I struggle to get through each day all because of a few words someone said.  How absolutely crazy heartbreak is. Continue reading

Fear of Happiness…Why Be Afraid of What We Crave Most?

I recently wrote about my finally finding  happiness in a great guy.  I’ve talked in the past about my friend who dates the most romantic guy who “makes love” to her while listening to Sade.  We spend out lives searching for Mr. Right or at least a guy who makes us happy and completes us when we didn’t even know that we weren’t whole.  Well, what happens when we do find that special someone?  Do we just suddenly accept happiness and spend our days smiling about our great lives and ruminating over how it could possibly get any better than it already is?  Chances are sadly, no.  We tend to want what we can’t have and when we get what we want we fear losing it.  So, when we finally meet the right guy rather than living in a love struck bliss we wallow and weep over the dread of losing this new found happiness because now that we know what love and contentment feels like we can’t live without it. Continue reading

Life Without You

Longing for yesterday

Fearing the tomorrow.

Cursing fate in every way

For handing me such sorrow.

It took you from me

Before our time was up.

Now it’s just me. Continue reading

Memories and Misery

I am an open book

You are a slammed door

Yet you give me that look

As if you want more

No matter how much I give

It is never enough

My soul leaking like a sieve

Why are you being so tough

Asking for everything I have

but giving nothing in return

I am not a whole, I’m a halve

So part of you I did earn

We are in this together

Not I alone

I always envisioned forever

Yet then I was thrown

Tossed aside, cast away

Sure you’ll call me one rainy day

But until then you’ve left me

Yet I love you why can’t you see

You’ve taken all of me

While I got none of you

But memories and misery

Was any of it true

Or was I just used

Might as well have abused

Bruises would have heeled

I hope you know how this feels

To be abandoned, stranded

Emotionally calloused and branded

Do you not realize you hurt me?

Did you think I would be fine?

How could you just desert me?

I wanted you to be mine

I gave you all of me

You took all I had to give

Now you won’t set me free

But you expect me to live

With no closure or compromise

With no possibility of a reprise

Of the love we shared

You supposedly cared

So you told me repeatedly

Then I caught you cheating on me

What does she have that  I don’t?

What does she do that I won’t?

I guarantee I’m the best you ever had

But you threw me away like trash

But that was your mistake, your bad

One day this will make you abash

You treated me so poorly

I was so wronged

Yet I have not lost sorely

For we never belonged

Together in any capacity

So I move on with tenacity

While you meagerly exist

One day you will be filled with regret

You will see me and cannot resist

But I will be strong I bet

And will be the one to cast you aside

For I will remember how you lied

Used me for all you could

Abandoned me when I needed you most

Then you will stand where I’ve stood

And to that I give a toast

For I will have the last laugh

I will have paved a new path

A new future without you in it

One without pain and regret